New Beginnings
by investigatrix
Summary: Set in KotOR era. One-shot. Canderous watches everything change, over and over again.


Disclaimer: Neither KotOR 1 or 2 belong to me in any shape or form.

A/N: Written for a KoTOR Fan Media challenge ages ago, but I never got around to posting it anywhere. This is a different type of narration then I usually use, so hopefully it works.

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I

The first time Canderous steps on Taris, he has lost everything. But he is Mandalorian, and the only option is to keep going. His people may someday rise again, and maybe he will be there. That will be then, and for now, he is putting one foot in front of the other.

He keeps his hands on his rifle, and his head held up. He sees those around him staring, whispering, glaring, drawing back; but even after the defeat of the Mandalorians, none will confront him.

Eventually, the ripples his arrival caused spread. Not very far. They don't have to, here. Soon a man is standing before him, with a proposal. Canderous does not think much of it, but it is the only path open to him at this point, so he accepts.

And he is lost to the dark underground that afflicts the diseased planet of Taris, into an endless round of meaningless conflict and lost honor.

II

It takes a while before Canderous sees what has happened. To see the extent to which he had wasted his life on Taris. When he does, Canderous holds few regrets for a planet and a life that had been dying before the Sith arrived, and believes the planet got a better ending than it deserved.

Because who now will forget Taris? Left to itself, it would have destroyed itself from its core out, but now it is destined for the only true immortality. It will be remembered in the hearts and minds of people for years to come, and after that has faded, it will find a prominent place in the histories to come.

So Canderous doesn't mind a new beginning after losing everything again, he has got his rifle and his life, and what else matters?

And his new companions—their leader in particular—there's something about them, something that makes losing two lives especially worth it, to be with them.

So he doesn't mind bringing back the past for the leader; it is good for him to remember, to remember his people. He has forgotten much on Taris.

When the leader becomes a Jedi, Canderous doesn't mind. The Jedi have proven themselves: the war is over, and the Mandalorians lost. He continues to follow, and to remember.

And when the Jedi turns out to be Revan, Canderous is glad. He tells Revan that it is because Revan is a warrior, a Mandalorian nearly, but it is truly because Canderous is starting to realize that he is a Mandalorian alone, nothing, and with Revan he feels there is something. He doesn't know what exactly, just that he will follow Revan, and find his place.

III.

Revan abandons Canderous. He is told it is because he cannot follow where Revan must go. Revan gives no goodbyes, no time for anything, but merely

has a gift for Canderous.

Canderous takes Mandalore's helmet, and stares at it for a long moment. He remembers the last man to wear it, and recalls how he felt when that man died. He feels that way now.

When Canderous looks up, Revan has left. Canderous is glad that at least Revan will not see him like this, breaking down. He feels betrayed too, just as he did when his people abandoned each other, running and crawling as fast as they could to anywhere that would take them, anywhere away from their defeat.

He stands there. He doesn't know how long, but when he finally moves again, it is with determination. He may not know what he should do now, but he knows what he can do.

Mandalore's helmet fits perfectly, but Canderous leaves his rifle on a barren planet on the edge of the known galaxy.

He believes it a fitting eulogy for this new ending.

IV.

It was another beginning that Revan gave him, but Canderous is getting tired of them. He's getting tired of losing everything, but at the same time, he decides that it is the best way to make a new life.

And he wouldn't have it any other way.

Canderous looks out upon his Mandalorians, and he knows that for right now, this is where he needs to be. He needs to make his people stronger, and to rebuild them. Not alone—he knows better than that—but he needs to do it. He needs a war to fight, because he can't fight Revan's war.

He tries to edge away from Revan, but he knows that it is something that will have to be confronted. But not right now. His travels with Revan, while painful to recall, have served him well, and right now, that is all he needs.

V.

When the Jedi saunters into his headquarters, as if with no other purpose in the world other than to be there, Canderous knows what is about to happen. He puts up token resistance, but soon finds himself back on the Ebon Hawk, once again rescuing the known galaxy from peril. Occasionally, the memories the ship brings are overwhelming, and sometimes he forgets that this is no longer Revan's ship and no longer Revan's crew.

When déjà vu encroaches, he need only glance at the Exile to bring himself into the present. Where Revan was confidence and authority, the Exile seems more subdued, but no less commanding a presence.

Canderous knows that he is not the Mandalorian he once was, but no longer sees it as a failing. Revan and the Exile have proven that there are many wars to be won, and each takes a different leader.

He doubts that he'll be on this ship for much longer. This time, however, he will leave knowing that Revan's war isn't his to fight.

VI.

The Exile leaves, following in Revan's footsteps. Once, Canderous would have given anything to follow, but now he merely watches as the Exile boards the Ebon Hawk, and flies to the uncharted territories. He knows now that he will never see either Jedi again, and decides that maybe, Revan gave the only goodbye that was worthwhile.

But reminiscing will do him no good, and he has other things that need to be done. Slowly, solemnly, he heads back to Dxun.

There is a part deep inside of him that realizes that when Revan defeated Mandalore, his people were finished. They had scattered across the galaxy, and were going to disappear slowly, forgotten: craven. There is a part that realizes that any fight would only postpone the inevitable, and that he is only wasting this life by struggling.

Revan, Canderous decides, gave him as many endings as beginnings. He has used enough of them on other's causes, on saving the galaxy and on following others. Always living his life to another's orders. So now, this time, it will be his choice how he will use this last beginning of his.

And he chooses to give his people a grand ending.

One that will set their place in history for millennia to come.


End file.
